I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
