Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
