Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
