You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
