last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
