just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's like iHOP with fire
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
