it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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