I faked an abortion last night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
