There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's the barista slut.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
