Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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