I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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