i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.