i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there's paper in my vomit.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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