Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
