I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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