What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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