This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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