Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
