I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
