I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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