my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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