I want to make a zoo with you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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