Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
