I seem to have left my pride at pride
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
