Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This house was built for laser tag.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I will be naked everywhere
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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