So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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