I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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