he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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