she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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