About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize
