but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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