I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
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Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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