we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
