I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
