no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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