At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my shit smells like andre
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
