did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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