My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
