He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
