the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your cock deserves a montage
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
