I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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