He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
