cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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