Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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