i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
