in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
