More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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