If i come over, it means nothing
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
