Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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