sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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