Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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