things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
