hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
