Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
