Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
