I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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