You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
