Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
