im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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