What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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