FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
