Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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