If i come over, it means nothing
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
