OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
