Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
