First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to make out with him forever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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