i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
