Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
