I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
