Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
